The strangest thing has happened with this song (by James Blunt) . . . I was talking with a friend the other day and she said, “I heard a song the other day that so reminded me of you and H. It’s called “You’re Beautiful” by a guy named James Blunt.”
I thought about the song for a moment and then asked why, since (for those of you who don’t know the song) it’s about a guy who sees a woman on a subway that he thinks he makes a connection with but she’s with another man so he’s singing about how they will never be together.
Her response was that it reminded her of H and me because of the way that we met and because, she believes, if H and I had never gotten together H would feel like that song.
It was kind of touching but a bit of twisted logic. I understand the reference to the way that H and I met (the first time we saw each other we were passing each other on a set of stairs and I was dating another guy at the time) but . . . he and I are together so . . . that’s the only vague similarity between us and the song. I thought it was odd that she put so much thought into it.
Anyway, the strange occurrence mentioned above is that now that song is linked, in my mind, to H and me. Whenever I hear it I think about H and for no other reason than this odd conversation with my friend.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Different Strokes
Yesterday, my boss and I were walking through the pouring rain to a meeting. As we stood on the corner, waiting for the light to turn, she voiced concern about the weather and her upcoming wedding later this month (it will be an outdoor wedding at the end of this month and it’s been raining almost everyday for the last few weeks).
Then, she said something that struck me so odd that my reaction was on an emotional, rather than intellectual, level. Her comment was, “Actually, I don’t even care if it rains as long as two things happen and they are that Mark shows up and that he says “I do” when he’s asked.”
My instant reaction was the emotional equivalent of “Wow, that’s bizarre and sad.” but I smiled and made some generic non-committal comment. The thing that hit me the most was that she was totally serious and she sounded so vulnerable and desperate when she said it. I was stunned by the idea of being three weeks away from your wedding and having the biggest stress point being whether your groom shows up and says yes.
My next reaction was an emotional one as well and it was, for lack of a better description, a feeling of absolute certainty about my relationship and happiness at how nice a feeling that is. There’s not one single iota of uncertainty in my heart or mind as to whether H and I will be married and . . . it never entered my mind that anyone getting married might feel otherwise (in fact, I kinda figured you don’t get married unless you have that feeling).
Later in the day, this conversation popped into my head again and I started thinking about how completely different our lives (Jane and mine) are, on almost every single level from the way we were raised to our view of the world (she doesn’t trust anyone, I’m too trusting). And since a wedding discussion had brought this all up, I was thinking about how even our weddings are complete opposites.
To start with, her fiancé is metrosexual, to say the least (I think she’s going to be on an episode of Jerry Springer one day, “My husband was gay and I had no idea”), and he’s very self-centered (sort of like her). Jane recently asked him if he would support her financially through a hard time and his response was “Sure, as long as you could still pay your half of the household finances and take care of your bills” – he pretty much missed the entire point. My fiancé is a fairly manly man who is supportive, caring, and would walk a thousand miles for me.
For her wedding, Jane’s going full on traditional, I’m doing exactly what I want to do. For instance, the registry. Jane is not only registering but one of her registries is for her honeymoon which boggles my mind, the thought of asking people to put money towards your honeymoon. Not only am I not registering, I’m insisting, strongly, that there be no gifts. H and I have too much stuff, the last thing we need is more stuff. The funny thing is, it really bothers her that I’m insisting on no gifts. Every time the subject comes up she insists that I should register for something and pushes pretty hard, especially on the honeymoon registry - the idea of which is absolutely appalling to me. But, I will not budge on this subject. The most I will do is set up a page on the breast cancer site for donations for people who insist on doing something.
Jane sees her wedding as an event of accomplishment, that she found a man who wants to marry her. I see my wedding as the joining of two people who love each other.
Jane sees her wedding as “the more, the merrier” – family, friends, acquaintances, business acquaintances, etc. I see mine as a very intimate event that H and I are performing and choose to share it only with those people who we feel closest to, people we would want to participate something so intimate.
Jane is having six bridesmaids, a ring bearer, two flower girls, and . . . something else that I can’t remember and hadn’t heard of before. I’m having a maid-of-honor.
Jane and her fiancé have been taking swing dance lessons for their first dance which will be just the two of them dancing to an entire song. H and I are not taking lessons and will begin our dance with just the two of us and then, after a minute or less, invite everyone to join us because the idea of having people watch us for an entire song feels weird.
Jane’s having a DJ, I’m having a quartet.
Jane’s having a buffet, I’m having passed hors d’oeuvres and a sit down dinner.
She’s having a traditional photographer with all the cheesy staged shots (like the hovering head pics that I think are creepy). I’m having only two or three of the “traditional” pics – one of us not kissing, one of us kissing (H insists), and one with both of our families. The rest will be in the “photojournalistic” candid photo style. Some black and white, some color.
She’s having fake, silk rose petals strewn as she walks down the aisle. I’m not and, frankly, find the idea of this amazingly cheesy! Real rose petals are one thing, fake silk ones? Ack!
She’s wearing a tiara and I’m not although she offered to loan me hers. Ack!
The weird thing is, Jane is really bothered by the fact that I’m not being traditional and that I’m doing what I want. She’s also very competitive and whenever we discuss weddings she either pushes me to do what she’s doing or she makes my wedding sound trivial compared to hers which, frankly, makes me laugh except when it makes me feel sorry for her.
“Well, you’re so lucky that your wedding will be so much smaller. The cost of a big wedding is just so ridiculous.”
“I wish I could have a small wedding like yours, it would be so much easier!”
Etc.
I actually feel bad for her most of the time because she reminds me of the nerdy kid at school that everyone laughed at but who had no idea that she was the nerdy kid that everyone laughed at. She had a lousy home life which I’m sure contributes to who she is today (she blames her parents for everything but, they do sound like they were creeps). And . . . in the end . . . she has a fiance that she is afraid won’t show up for their wedding.
Then, she said something that struck me so odd that my reaction was on an emotional, rather than intellectual, level. Her comment was, “Actually, I don’t even care if it rains as long as two things happen and they are that Mark shows up and that he says “I do” when he’s asked.”
My instant reaction was the emotional equivalent of “Wow, that’s bizarre and sad.” but I smiled and made some generic non-committal comment. The thing that hit me the most was that she was totally serious and she sounded so vulnerable and desperate when she said it. I was stunned by the idea of being three weeks away from your wedding and having the biggest stress point being whether your groom shows up and says yes.
My next reaction was an emotional one as well and it was, for lack of a better description, a feeling of absolute certainty about my relationship and happiness at how nice a feeling that is. There’s not one single iota of uncertainty in my heart or mind as to whether H and I will be married and . . . it never entered my mind that anyone getting married might feel otherwise (in fact, I kinda figured you don’t get married unless you have that feeling).
Later in the day, this conversation popped into my head again and I started thinking about how completely different our lives (Jane and mine) are, on almost every single level from the way we were raised to our view of the world (she doesn’t trust anyone, I’m too trusting). And since a wedding discussion had brought this all up, I was thinking about how even our weddings are complete opposites.
To start with, her fiancé is metrosexual, to say the least (I think she’s going to be on an episode of Jerry Springer one day, “My husband was gay and I had no idea”), and he’s very self-centered (sort of like her). Jane recently asked him if he would support her financially through a hard time and his response was “Sure, as long as you could still pay your half of the household finances and take care of your bills” – he pretty much missed the entire point. My fiancé is a fairly manly man who is supportive, caring, and would walk a thousand miles for me.
For her wedding, Jane’s going full on traditional, I’m doing exactly what I want to do. For instance, the registry. Jane is not only registering but one of her registries is for her honeymoon which boggles my mind, the thought of asking people to put money towards your honeymoon. Not only am I not registering, I’m insisting, strongly, that there be no gifts. H and I have too much stuff, the last thing we need is more stuff. The funny thing is, it really bothers her that I’m insisting on no gifts. Every time the subject comes up she insists that I should register for something and pushes pretty hard, especially on the honeymoon registry - the idea of which is absolutely appalling to me. But, I will not budge on this subject. The most I will do is set up a page on the breast cancer site for donations for people who insist on doing something.
Jane sees her wedding as an event of accomplishment, that she found a man who wants to marry her. I see my wedding as the joining of two people who love each other.
Jane sees her wedding as “the more, the merrier” – family, friends, acquaintances, business acquaintances, etc. I see mine as a very intimate event that H and I are performing and choose to share it only with those people who we feel closest to, people we would want to participate something so intimate.
Jane is having six bridesmaids, a ring bearer, two flower girls, and . . . something else that I can’t remember and hadn’t heard of before. I’m having a maid-of-honor.
Jane and her fiancé have been taking swing dance lessons for their first dance which will be just the two of them dancing to an entire song. H and I are not taking lessons and will begin our dance with just the two of us and then, after a minute or less, invite everyone to join us because the idea of having people watch us for an entire song feels weird.
Jane’s having a DJ, I’m having a quartet.
Jane’s having a buffet, I’m having passed hors d’oeuvres and a sit down dinner.
She’s having a traditional photographer with all the cheesy staged shots (like the hovering head pics that I think are creepy). I’m having only two or three of the “traditional” pics – one of us not kissing, one of us kissing (H insists), and one with both of our families. The rest will be in the “photojournalistic” candid photo style. Some black and white, some color.
She’s having fake, silk rose petals strewn as she walks down the aisle. I’m not and, frankly, find the idea of this amazingly cheesy! Real rose petals are one thing, fake silk ones? Ack!
She’s wearing a tiara and I’m not although she offered to loan me hers. Ack!
The weird thing is, Jane is really bothered by the fact that I’m not being traditional and that I’m doing what I want. She’s also very competitive and whenever we discuss weddings she either pushes me to do what she’s doing or she makes my wedding sound trivial compared to hers which, frankly, makes me laugh except when it makes me feel sorry for her.
“Well, you’re so lucky that your wedding will be so much smaller. The cost of a big wedding is just so ridiculous.”
“I wish I could have a small wedding like yours, it would be so much easier!”
Etc.
I actually feel bad for her most of the time because she reminds me of the nerdy kid at school that everyone laughed at but who had no idea that she was the nerdy kid that everyone laughed at. She had a lousy home life which I’m sure contributes to who she is today (she blames her parents for everything but, they do sound like they were creeps). And . . . in the end . . . she has a fiance that she is afraid won’t show up for their wedding.
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