I'm in Tucson for my best friend's wedding. I'm the maid of honor and haven't been a very good one because: a) I live 1,000 miles away; and b) her sister and nieces have just rushed in wanting to do all those maid-of-honor type things so, I just let them rather than look like a pushy bitch. She's only asked me to do one thing -- research info on caterers and I did that very well . . . especially given the fact that she asked me six weeks before the wedding so I had to find caterers and find caterers willing to do it in that short time frame and for their extremely limited budget (they wanted to spend $10 to $13 per person - most caterers are looking at $50 to $100 per person). Not only did I find one but I found one whose food the bride really liked and I got her a really good deal
That all said . . .
The wedding is on Saturday so I flew in early, on Tuesday, to help her with WHATEVER she needs to be done to prepare -- they're doing this as low-budget as possible so lots of manual stuff like their own flower arrangements, etc. My husband couldn't come until Friday and I let her know, repeatedly, that I am 100% here to help but that on Friday afternoon I would have to go pick him up at the airport. No problem.
I arrived on Tuesday and she wasn't ready to go over what needed to be done so we went to dinner and I went to my hotel.
We were supposed to meet on Wednesday at 10:00 a.m. to go over what needed to be done and get doing stuff and she called me to say that she was going to the ER for a yeast infection and would call me later. She called me around noon and asked that I pick her up from the ER (her fiance dropped her off and then headed down to the wedding site, which is 100 miles away, to do some work) which I was glad to do. I took her to the pharmacy but they were closed for lunch so I took her home. Her sister and nieces were there so we talked about things that needed to be done and she gave us a list of things which still needed to be shopped for. The sister/nieces and I then left to go to Target (the sister/nieces only rented one car for six people (including husbands and children) so when the male members needed a car, they were stuck without one so I was the driver) where I was given the job of getting her prescription filled and the sister/nieces went to start on the shopping list.
I got the prescription and then had to run it back to her and then back to Target to pick up the sister/nieces. We then went to a couple other stores to get a few more things and then called the bride but she said she didn't feel like going out to the next store (which she had said she didn't want us to go to without her) so we all decided to go to dinner.
We went to dinner and halfway through the bride called and said that she was up and going to the Party store by herself. Works for me.
Thursday was already scheduled as her bachelorette day so we headed to a spa, had lunch at a fabulous restaurant, and then later in the evening a pleasure party. During this entire time, we they (the bride and the sister/nieces) didn't want to talk about what remained to be done, logistics, etc., which I understood -- it was supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun for her. However, we agreed that we WOULD talk about them after the lunch but before the party. They talked about it over and over, I offered some ideas for solutions, etc., but they couldn't make a decision so . . . I just let it go.
They finally decided that the best solution would be for my husband and me to rent a second car so he could just get himself to the hotel from the airport and do what he needed to do which, I agreed was ONE option but, it would make more sense for the sister/nieces to rent a second car (since there are six of them with husbands and children) and they are always getting stuck cuz of differing needs -- e.g., men need to go get X; women then without a car. They still couldn't decide so we let it go.
They just called me and said that they have decided that the best thing to do is load up my car with everything that needs to be taken to the wedding site so we (bride and sister/nieces) can get down there and set everything up that needs to be done this afternoon. And, because they don't think they're going to be ready to go until later this afternoon, I won't be back in time to pick up my husband so he's going to have to find his own way from the airport -- e.g., rent a second car; take a shuttle; or a cab.
So . . . am I wrong for being irked? They KNEW that was the ONE thing I wanted to do -- go get him at the airport -- and they have pretty much just wasted two days (Tuesday and Wednesday) doing nothing cuz they're procrastinators (and, admitted ones) and now, my singular plan is hosed cuz they want me to do this.
I realize that she's the bride and that she's frazzled, etc., but . . . come on, now. Am I wrong?
Friday, November 09, 2012
Not The Expected Reaction
I was at a pleasure/bachelorette party last night and they were showing various restraints that they had and . . . I was looking at that and the only thing that I could think of was . . . if I had my husband tied up, on the bed, my first instinct wouldn't be to pleasure him, it would probably be to hurt him.
Perhaps married life isn't for me?
Perhaps married life isn't for me?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Sheesh . . . talk about drama. I've had more drama in my life in the last couple of months than I have in the last 10 years or, maybe it just feels like it.
So, after 8.5 weeks of us taking care of my mother-in-law, the whole episode is over and it went out with a BANG. My MIL had a little coin purse that held her health cards, ID and a little bit of cash and . . . my husband lost it. We looked everywhere but, just can't find it. Sooo, we contacted the SIL who normally takes care of her and let her know the situation because . . . without ID, it was going to be tough to get MIL on a plane on Saturday.
She was pretty upset and really, really overreacted. She flew out here the next day (Sunday) to "get my mom!" and when she got here was just distraught. We talked about the situation and came up with a couple of ideas/solutions -- the most obvious would have been, in my opinion, for her to wait until Monday, go to the DMV, get a copy of the ID and then fly out here to get her mom but, no . . . instead she flew off the handle and flew out here with no solutions, only anger -- and after we talked, she decided that she wanted to go with an idea of her husbands.
She was certain that her husband's idea would work and my husband asked her several times if she were sure and she said yes so, he assumed he didn't need to pursue his idea (I was staying out of it). Well, Monday came about and the idea they were pursuing didn't pan out. So, she stormed into the family room and asked my husband where he was on his idea. He told her that he hadn't done anything with it because she had told him, repeatedly, that she was sure that their idea would work and they were going with that.
At that point she just went berserk. She started screaming and yelling at him and just freaking out. She was calling him all sorts of names and screaming at him that he caused the problem by losing the coin purse and that because he had caused it she thinks he should have been doing whatever it took to fix the situation, etc., and then she started pushing him and telling him to hit her so that she could have him arrested (it was very strange). He, of course, kept telling her that he wouldn't hit her and that she needed to calm down. But the exchange was so heated that it totally freaked me out because I really thought she was going to start throwing punches and totally get physical.
She finally stopped telling him to hit her and switched to saying that she hated his guts and wanted him to die. She said that she wished: 1) that he would die and die soon; 2) that he would suffer horribly before he died; and 3) that he would die right then so she could get the enjoyment of watching it. She kept saying all of this repeatedly and telling me that if and when he did die I shouldn't tell her cuz she doesn't care except that she might want to know so she can get enjoyment out of it, etc. Totally crazy stuff and even worse cuz . . . she's 47, it's not like she's a little kid who doesn't know any better. And, while all this was going on, MIL was trying to get them to stop and break up the situation and . . . oddly, she was COMPLETELY lucid. Amazingly so.
I, on the other hand, was just totally . . . I don't even know the word for it. I just was stunned, shocked, stressed, speechless, etc. I basically just stood there watching all this with my mouth hanging open.
After SIL stormed off to her room, MIL came and sat next to me and said, "That was really unnecessary but, she's always been that way. She is who she is but, she shouldn't have been saying all that. It's not like we're in a hostile situation and we couldn't leave in a few days once we figured out a solution to all this." and I stared at her and wanted so bad to say, "Who are you and where have YOU been all this time!" because she was so sweet, lucid, etc.
SIL came out of her room later and asked if I thought she was wrong. I told her that they had both made assumptions -- she assumed my husband would continue to work on his idea even though she had told him their idea was definite and that they were going with it; he assumed that because they were going with their idea and so sure of it, he didn't need to work on his idea -- so they were both at fault in the initial problem. I also told her that I thought her reaction was a little over the top and that some of the things she was saying were pretty horrible and bizarre.
She didn't say anything. I came up with another possible solution to the no-ID-and-MIL-has to-get-on-a-plane problem and that I started working on that; meanwhile, her husband called the airlines to talk with them and they agreed to work with us and let her board the plane as long as we had certain documents (which we did). So, SIL booked a 10:00 p.m. flight out for the two of them.
After calming down, my husband went down and talked with his mother and apologized for making her have to go through that and then tried to apologize to SIL (even though, in my opinion, she was really in the wrong). She wouldn't let him and told him to get out of her face. He tried a couple more times over the course of the next few hours and she finally came out and asked me to take them to the airport right then (8 hours before their flight) so that she wouldn't have to suffer through him trying to apologize anymore.
I took them to the airport and she was being cordial during the ride but when we got to the airport, became pretty bitchy to me. She got hysterical because I set up the wheelchair we had for MIL -- she wanted to use an airport wheelchair instead. I explained to her that it wasn't any big deal, that there was a very simple solution -- taking 10 seconds to collapse the wheelchair back down (which I did) -- and she grabbed it away from me and took it into the terminal, along with her luggage, to check in. I stayed at the car with MIL and waited and then . . . here she came with the wheelchair. She decided to use it after all. Whatever.
We got MIL into the chair and I said goodbye to her, gave her a kiss on the forehead and said goodbye to SIL. I went to hug her but she didn't want one and she turned to head into the terminal. I asked her to ping me when they got home so I knew they'd made it and she turned away and muttered, under her breath, "I ain't pinging shit". So, I said, "Have a nice flight." got in the car and drove home.
I was hoping that I had misheard her but, she never pinged me when they got home so . . . I guess I didn't.
So, the gist of this is that even though we have taken very good care of my MIL over the last 8.5 weeks (in my opinion), stressful as it was. Never complained, etc., all that will now be remembered of this episode (by his family) is the 3 days of crazy drama that was caused by the loss of the coinpurse. I'm not cutting my husband a break for losing it -- it was a bad thing, will be a hassle for them to get new cards, etc., but . . . was it really such an egregious mistake that it was worth all this?
Some days I am just really disgusted and dismayed by the human race.
So, after 8.5 weeks of us taking care of my mother-in-law, the whole episode is over and it went out with a BANG. My MIL had a little coin purse that held her health cards, ID and a little bit of cash and . . . my husband lost it. We looked everywhere but, just can't find it. Sooo, we contacted the SIL who normally takes care of her and let her know the situation because . . . without ID, it was going to be tough to get MIL on a plane on Saturday.
She was pretty upset and really, really overreacted. She flew out here the next day (Sunday) to "get my mom!" and when she got here was just distraught. We talked about the situation and came up with a couple of ideas/solutions -- the most obvious would have been, in my opinion, for her to wait until Monday, go to the DMV, get a copy of the ID and then fly out here to get her mom but, no . . . instead she flew off the handle and flew out here with no solutions, only anger -- and after we talked, she decided that she wanted to go with an idea of her husbands.
She was certain that her husband's idea would work and my husband asked her several times if she were sure and she said yes so, he assumed he didn't need to pursue his idea (I was staying out of it). Well, Monday came about and the idea they were pursuing didn't pan out. So, she stormed into the family room and asked my husband where he was on his idea. He told her that he hadn't done anything with it because she had told him, repeatedly, that she was sure that their idea would work and they were going with that.
At that point she just went berserk. She started screaming and yelling at him and just freaking out. She was calling him all sorts of names and screaming at him that he caused the problem by losing the coin purse and that because he had caused it she thinks he should have been doing whatever it took to fix the situation, etc., and then she started pushing him and telling him to hit her so that she could have him arrested (it was very strange). He, of course, kept telling her that he wouldn't hit her and that she needed to calm down. But the exchange was so heated that it totally freaked me out because I really thought she was going to start throwing punches and totally get physical.
She finally stopped telling him to hit her and switched to saying that she hated his guts and wanted him to die. She said that she wished: 1) that he would die and die soon; 2) that he would suffer horribly before he died; and 3) that he would die right then so she could get the enjoyment of watching it. She kept saying all of this repeatedly and telling me that if and when he did die I shouldn't tell her cuz she doesn't care except that she might want to know so she can get enjoyment out of it, etc. Totally crazy stuff and even worse cuz . . . she's 47, it's not like she's a little kid who doesn't know any better. And, while all this was going on, MIL was trying to get them to stop and break up the situation and . . . oddly, she was COMPLETELY lucid. Amazingly so.
I, on the other hand, was just totally . . . I don't even know the word for it. I just was stunned, shocked, stressed, speechless, etc. I basically just stood there watching all this with my mouth hanging open.
After SIL stormed off to her room, MIL came and sat next to me and said, "That was really unnecessary but, she's always been that way. She is who she is but, she shouldn't have been saying all that. It's not like we're in a hostile situation and we couldn't leave in a few days once we figured out a solution to all this." and I stared at her and wanted so bad to say, "Who are you and where have YOU been all this time!" because she was so sweet, lucid, etc.
SIL came out of her room later and asked if I thought she was wrong. I told her that they had both made assumptions -- she assumed my husband would continue to work on his idea even though she had told him their idea was definite and that they were going with it; he assumed that because they were going with their idea and so sure of it, he didn't need to work on his idea -- so they were both at fault in the initial problem. I also told her that I thought her reaction was a little over the top and that some of the things she was saying were pretty horrible and bizarre.
She didn't say anything. I came up with another possible solution to the no-ID-and-MIL-has to-get-on-a-plane problem and that I started working on that; meanwhile, her husband called the airlines to talk with them and they agreed to work with us and let her board the plane as long as we had certain documents (which we did). So, SIL booked a 10:00 p.m. flight out for the two of them.
After calming down, my husband went down and talked with his mother and apologized for making her have to go through that and then tried to apologize to SIL (even though, in my opinion, she was really in the wrong). She wouldn't let him and told him to get out of her face. He tried a couple more times over the course of the next few hours and she finally came out and asked me to take them to the airport right then (8 hours before their flight) so that she wouldn't have to suffer through him trying to apologize anymore.
I took them to the airport and she was being cordial during the ride but when we got to the airport, became pretty bitchy to me. She got hysterical because I set up the wheelchair we had for MIL -- she wanted to use an airport wheelchair instead. I explained to her that it wasn't any big deal, that there was a very simple solution -- taking 10 seconds to collapse the wheelchair back down (which I did) -- and she grabbed it away from me and took it into the terminal, along with her luggage, to check in. I stayed at the car with MIL and waited and then . . . here she came with the wheelchair. She decided to use it after all. Whatever.
We got MIL into the chair and I said goodbye to her, gave her a kiss on the forehead and said goodbye to SIL. I went to hug her but she didn't want one and she turned to head into the terminal. I asked her to ping me when they got home so I knew they'd made it and she turned away and muttered, under her breath, "I ain't pinging shit". So, I said, "Have a nice flight." got in the car and drove home.
I was hoping that I had misheard her but, she never pinged me when they got home so . . . I guess I didn't.
So, the gist of this is that even though we have taken very good care of my MIL over the last 8.5 weeks (in my opinion), stressful as it was. Never complained, etc., all that will now be remembered of this episode (by his family) is the 3 days of crazy drama that was caused by the loss of the coinpurse. I'm not cutting my husband a break for losing it -- it was a bad thing, will be a hassle for them to get new cards, etc., but . . . was it really such an egregious mistake that it was worth all this?
Some days I am just really disgusted and dismayed by the human race.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Leaving On A Jet Plane
Heading for the airport to drop off my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. Freaking DRAMATIC ending to this adventure. I'll have to blog about it when I get home but man . . . my sister-in-law has a screaming voice that is AMAZING in it's pitch and volume.
It will be lovely to have my home to myself this evening.
It will be lovely to have my home to myself this evening.
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
The Good News Is . . .
Life with my mother-in-law hit a new milestone yesterday when we had the most difficult day ever with her. She not only refused to do anything -- e.g., shower, change her diaper, eat, take medication, etc. -- but she became extremely belligerant and yelled at and threatened me and with VENOM. It was very disturbing and tested my patience to an extreme.
Saturday was the prior worst day. I got up in the morning and a few minutes after I went downstairs, she came into the family room on her own. She was still in her pajamas (but had put her bra on outside them) and she had removed her diaper. She smelled of urine and she didn't have her teeth in. I saw her and approached her and said good morning. I said it was good to see her up and asked if she was ready to get cleaned up and dressed for the day. She said no.
She walked over to her favorite chair and sat down but luckily, I had time to run and put down a pee pad. I turned on the television for her and she sat there watching it. I asked if she wanted some breakfast, she said no. That's not unusual and when she does that we just make her breakfast and set it on a tv tray next to her and she will eventually eat it. So, that's what we did but, she wouldn't touch it. We both tried approaching her at different times to change her patch (medication for the dementia) and she refused to let us touch her.
Eventually lunch time came around so we threw out the breakfast and made her a sandwich and set it down and . . . she didn't touch it. Dinner was the same. We tried to get her to eat at different times during the day but she just refused. She's had days in the past where she didn't want to eat but she would eat a little and the next day, eat a lot so at first we weren't too worried about it but when it stretched out all day with her eating nothing, it was worrisome.
We continued to try to get her to let us get her cleaned up, clothes changed, etc., but she refused except that she eventually did let me put a new diaper on her after I walked back into the family room to find her sitting on the couch -- no pee pad.
We were both pretty concerned and frustrated but, she was not relenting and you can't force someone to eat or forcibly remove her diaper, etc., so we let her go to bed early and hoped that Sunday would be better.
Nope.
Not by a long shot.
Sunday morning George was out meeting with a friend and I went in to check on her around 10:00 a.m. (she'd been in bed since 8:30 the night before and had the same diaper that I had put on her the prior day). I opened the blinds to let the sun in and asked if she was ready to get up and take a shower -- same thing I do everyday. She said no (same thing she does everyday) so I told her she could spend a little more time in bed but needed to start thinking about getting up. I left the room and came back 15 minutes later.
And then it started . . .
She was out of bed and sitting on the leather bench at the foot of our bed which I thought was a good sign but, as soon as I mentioned a shower she informed me that she would NOT be taking a shower because the tub is acting up. I explained that it was working fine and that she would feel better once she showered. She refused. She also refused everything else -- changing her diaper, getting dressed, eating, taking her medication, etc., because, "I'm grown and I don't have to do anything I don't want" which . . . is true so, what could I do. I told her that I recognize that she's grown but that she should think about getting cleaned up so we could get her dressed and then, it was like someone flipped a switch.
She started screaming and yelling at me that: I don't help her, that I've never helped her, that she takes care of herself; I better shut my fucking mouth or she was going to kick my ass; both my husband and I are stupid and ignorant; I better get my "stinking ass" out of her room or she would physically throw me out of her room; etc. I stayed pretty calm through it all and tried to reason with her for a bit and then would just leave the room.
I kept leaving and waiting 10 minutes or so and going back to try again -- usually this works because she never remembers that we already went through it 10 minutes before -- but, of course, this day she remembered everything. Each time I walked in she started ranting and raving about how she had told me to get the hell out and that I obviously was stupid cuz I was still here so she was going to make me get out, etc. She would say things about my husband being stupid, that he doesn't care about me, etc., and I just kept trying to get her to at least let me clean her up and change her.
She told me that I should go back to whereever I came from and call whoever brought me here and have them come get me before she kicked my ass, etc. I was so frustrated by then I just said, "Well, in order to beat me up, you'd have to catch me first and . . . you can't catch me." which . . . I thought was funny. She didn't though and started going on about how she could and would catch me and give me the beating of my life, etc. And, the thing that freaked me out was the look on her face, it was pure hatred and she looked evil. I called the SIL that normally cares for her and had her talk to her and she was sweet as pie talking to her but, once they hung up she still refused to do anything and was still spitting venom.
By then it had been going on for a couple of hours. I could smell the urine and feces and she didn't have a pee pad under her (the diapers will leak if overloaded) and I tried to get her to sit on one but she just spat venom at me and refused. She had been in the same diaper for 24 hours and I had had it. I told her that she should be nicer to people who are trying to help her and she started raving about how I better not talk about her mother and she was literally spitting mad -- spitting. I called my husband and told him that he needed to get back here because she was in a rage and I couldn't deal with her.
He came back and she was still agitated but not screaming at him but, she refused to let him clean her up so she sat in that filthy diaper until later that evening when she finally went into the bathroom and I went in there and took it and gave her a new one. I tried to get her to clean herself with these adult wipes that we have but she refused so, she literally put her stinking ass in a new diaper but I figured that was better than putting it back into a filthy diaper. George had been trying to get her to eat too but she wouldn't so I went and got KFC, which is a favorite of hers, and she ate three pieces so, at least she got some sustenance (filled with fat, salt, etc., but . . . it's food).
This morning she was pretty much back to normal. She wouldn't take a shower but she said she wanted a bath which was so freaking hard to do because we have a big tub so getting her into it without her falling was a HUGE undertaking. Getting out was worse -- she refused to help us by standing or sitting up (she had laid back in the tub) so we had to literally lift her dead weight up and out of the tub -- I honestly don't know how we did it without dropping her. She was wet and slippery and my husband had surgery on one arm/hand a week or so ago so he can't really use that arm and . . . she's no lightweight. She's not fat but she is a solid woman. I'd guess she weighs around 140 or 150. It was really, really hard.
AND . . . it didn't really get her clean. She just soaked in the water but refused to soap up, etc., so when I was drying her off and getting her dressed, she still smelled. I tried to get her to let me use the wipes but she refused. But, she did let me get her dressed, she ate breakfast and she got in the car with us to go run some errands. Thankfully it was a beautiful Fall day so we had the windows open because . . . she smelled like urine. I'm hoping tomorrow I can get her into the shower because she really, really needs one and it freaks me out thinking how dirty she must be.
The hard part is, the last couple of days has changed me in how I deal with her. I find it difficult to interact with her like I used to because she has been so awful the last couple of days and she was just so damn ugly yesterday. I realize that she is not in her right mind but, it's made me very wary of her. I just can't fake being sweet and light with her. I'm not mean but I used to be very cheerful and positive when dealing with her and now I'm fairly monotone and just matter of fact.
When talking with my SIL yesterday evening, she said, "The good news is, the fact that she's being so ugly means she feels more comfortable around you. She's sweet as pie to folks she doesn't feel she knows well. She's been horrible to me like this many times and, be careful because she has become violent a few times and started hitting me."
I've always bugged my husband that he and the other sibs should do something very nice for SIL and appreciate what she does for their mother but after this . . . I appreciate her even more. I just can't imagine living like this for years and years. But, when she was being awful I just kept thinking about how I would act if she were my mother and how I would want an in-law to treat her and that helped me stay fairly patient with her . . . at least on the outside.
Saturday was the prior worst day. I got up in the morning and a few minutes after I went downstairs, she came into the family room on her own. She was still in her pajamas (but had put her bra on outside them) and she had removed her diaper. She smelled of urine and she didn't have her teeth in. I saw her and approached her and said good morning. I said it was good to see her up and asked if she was ready to get cleaned up and dressed for the day. She said no.
She walked over to her favorite chair and sat down but luckily, I had time to run and put down a pee pad. I turned on the television for her and she sat there watching it. I asked if she wanted some breakfast, she said no. That's not unusual and when she does that we just make her breakfast and set it on a tv tray next to her and she will eventually eat it. So, that's what we did but, she wouldn't touch it. We both tried approaching her at different times to change her patch (medication for the dementia) and she refused to let us touch her.
Eventually lunch time came around so we threw out the breakfast and made her a sandwich and set it down and . . . she didn't touch it. Dinner was the same. We tried to get her to eat at different times during the day but she just refused. She's had days in the past where she didn't want to eat but she would eat a little and the next day, eat a lot so at first we weren't too worried about it but when it stretched out all day with her eating nothing, it was worrisome.
We continued to try to get her to let us get her cleaned up, clothes changed, etc., but she refused except that she eventually did let me put a new diaper on her after I walked back into the family room to find her sitting on the couch -- no pee pad.
We were both pretty concerned and frustrated but, she was not relenting and you can't force someone to eat or forcibly remove her diaper, etc., so we let her go to bed early and hoped that Sunday would be better.
Nope.
Not by a long shot.
Sunday morning George was out meeting with a friend and I went in to check on her around 10:00 a.m. (she'd been in bed since 8:30 the night before and had the same diaper that I had put on her the prior day). I opened the blinds to let the sun in and asked if she was ready to get up and take a shower -- same thing I do everyday. She said no (same thing she does everyday) so I told her she could spend a little more time in bed but needed to start thinking about getting up. I left the room and came back 15 minutes later.
And then it started . . .
She was out of bed and sitting on the leather bench at the foot of our bed which I thought was a good sign but, as soon as I mentioned a shower she informed me that she would NOT be taking a shower because the tub is acting up. I explained that it was working fine and that she would feel better once she showered. She refused. She also refused everything else -- changing her diaper, getting dressed, eating, taking her medication, etc., because, "I'm grown and I don't have to do anything I don't want" which . . . is true so, what could I do. I told her that I recognize that she's grown but that she should think about getting cleaned up so we could get her dressed and then, it was like someone flipped a switch.
She started screaming and yelling at me that: I don't help her, that I've never helped her, that she takes care of herself; I better shut my fucking mouth or she was going to kick my ass; both my husband and I are stupid and ignorant; I better get my "stinking ass" out of her room or she would physically throw me out of her room; etc. I stayed pretty calm through it all and tried to reason with her for a bit and then would just leave the room.
I kept leaving and waiting 10 minutes or so and going back to try again -- usually this works because she never remembers that we already went through it 10 minutes before -- but, of course, this day she remembered everything. Each time I walked in she started ranting and raving about how she had told me to get the hell out and that I obviously was stupid cuz I was still here so she was going to make me get out, etc. She would say things about my husband being stupid, that he doesn't care about me, etc., and I just kept trying to get her to at least let me clean her up and change her.
She told me that I should go back to whereever I came from and call whoever brought me here and have them come get me before she kicked my ass, etc. I was so frustrated by then I just said, "Well, in order to beat me up, you'd have to catch me first and . . . you can't catch me." which . . . I thought was funny. She didn't though and started going on about how she could and would catch me and give me the beating of my life, etc. And, the thing that freaked me out was the look on her face, it was pure hatred and she looked evil. I called the SIL that normally cares for her and had her talk to her and she was sweet as pie talking to her but, once they hung up she still refused to do anything and was still spitting venom.
By then it had been going on for a couple of hours. I could smell the urine and feces and she didn't have a pee pad under her (the diapers will leak if overloaded) and I tried to get her to sit on one but she just spat venom at me and refused. She had been in the same diaper for 24 hours and I had had it. I told her that she should be nicer to people who are trying to help her and she started raving about how I better not talk about her mother and she was literally spitting mad -- spitting. I called my husband and told him that he needed to get back here because she was in a rage and I couldn't deal with her.
He came back and she was still agitated but not screaming at him but, she refused to let him clean her up so she sat in that filthy diaper until later that evening when she finally went into the bathroom and I went in there and took it and gave her a new one. I tried to get her to clean herself with these adult wipes that we have but she refused so, she literally put her stinking ass in a new diaper but I figured that was better than putting it back into a filthy diaper. George had been trying to get her to eat too but she wouldn't so I went and got KFC, which is a favorite of hers, and she ate three pieces so, at least she got some sustenance (filled with fat, salt, etc., but . . . it's food).
This morning she was pretty much back to normal. She wouldn't take a shower but she said she wanted a bath which was so freaking hard to do because we have a big tub so getting her into it without her falling was a HUGE undertaking. Getting out was worse -- she refused to help us by standing or sitting up (she had laid back in the tub) so we had to literally lift her dead weight up and out of the tub -- I honestly don't know how we did it without dropping her. She was wet and slippery and my husband had surgery on one arm/hand a week or so ago so he can't really use that arm and . . . she's no lightweight. She's not fat but she is a solid woman. I'd guess she weighs around 140 or 150. It was really, really hard.
AND . . . it didn't really get her clean. She just soaked in the water but refused to soap up, etc., so when I was drying her off and getting her dressed, she still smelled. I tried to get her to let me use the wipes but she refused. But, she did let me get her dressed, she ate breakfast and she got in the car with us to go run some errands. Thankfully it was a beautiful Fall day so we had the windows open because . . . she smelled like urine. I'm hoping tomorrow I can get her into the shower because she really, really needs one and it freaks me out thinking how dirty she must be.
The hard part is, the last couple of days has changed me in how I deal with her. I find it difficult to interact with her like I used to because she has been so awful the last couple of days and she was just so damn ugly yesterday. I realize that she is not in her right mind but, it's made me very wary of her. I just can't fake being sweet and light with her. I'm not mean but I used to be very cheerful and positive when dealing with her and now I'm fairly monotone and just matter of fact.
When talking with my SIL yesterday evening, she said, "The good news is, the fact that she's being so ugly means she feels more comfortable around you. She's sweet as pie to folks she doesn't feel she knows well. She's been horrible to me like this many times and, be careful because she has become violent a few times and started hitting me."
I've always bugged my husband that he and the other sibs should do something very nice for SIL and appreciate what she does for their mother but after this . . . I appreciate her even more. I just can't imagine living like this for years and years. But, when she was being awful I just kept thinking about how I would act if she were my mother and how I would want an in-law to treat her and that helped me stay fairly patient with her . . . at least on the outside.
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